What Is It Like to Interact With You?

“Am I a good person to be around?”

That is an enormous question.

It is also not especially useful.

Try something smaller:

What is it like to interact with me?

Not forever.

Not according to everyone you have ever met.

In this interaction.

With this person.

Right now.

Think About the Environment

Every interaction creates conditions.

Someone talking with you might experience:

• room to speak;

• pressure to perform;

• curiosity;

• judgment;

• affection;

• unpredictability;

• safety;

• competition;

• attention;

• dismissal;

• playfulness;

• exhaustion.

That does not mean one awkward interaction defines you.

It means interactions have effects.

Those effects are something you can inspect.

Example: Conversation

Suppose you are excited about meeting someone.

You want them to know you.

So you talk.

A lot.

Your intention might be:

I want to connect.

But the experience on the other side might become:

There is no room for me in this conversation.

That does not require a character verdict.

You do not need to conclude:

I am selfish.

You can conclude:

I want connection, and this behavior may be making connection harder.

Much more useful.

Now you have something you can change.

Example: Disagreement

Maybe you care deeply about getting things right.

During disagreements, you explain every detail.

You correct inaccuracies.

You answer every objection.

All of that may come from good intentions.

But ask what the other person experiences.

Do they feel:

• heard?

• interrogated?

• respected?

• cornered?

• invited to think with you?

• treated like a problem you are trying to defeat?

Again, the question is not:

Am I a good communicator?

The question is:

What conditions am I creating here?

You Are Part of the Environment Too

This is not a command to make yourself pleasant at any cost.

You are also experiencing the interaction.

Your safety matters.

Your boundaries matter.

Your comfort matters.

Your ability to disagree matters.

A healthy interaction is not one person constantly adjusting themselves so the other person never feels discomfort.

The goal is not:

Make everyone enjoy you.

The goal is to become better at seeing the relational environment both of you are creating.

When to Use This

Use this when:

• conversations keep ending differently than you expected;

• people pull away and you do not understand why;

• your intentions seem good but the outcome keeps feeling bad;

• you want to improve a relationship without turning yourself into a personality repair project.

Ask:

What is it like to be on the receiving end of this interaction?

Then ask:

What is it like for me?

You do not need a verdict on either person.

You need a clearer picture of the room you are building together.

FOLLOW THE WIRES